Everyone takes chances. Some will succeed, while others will fail. No matter what, in the end we won't ask ourselves, what if? Sometimes we keep moving forward no matter how much we want to look back, because we are afraid to relive the past. That is the chance I took. I let that fear overcome my life and it kept me away from something I really wanted. But at the same time, I kept moving forward. Somehow, the past felt like it followed right behind me.
Time helps a lot. It makes you realize many things. I carried a scar with me. Something that will always be a part of me forever. Time made me realize that I can never heal that scar, nor can I just ignore it. It is the matter of facing it, and accepting it. We should not dwell on things and cry about or be so scared to turn around. We should be able to look at it as a reminder of something that once made us happy, and to turn around and smile we left that past. It's all just part of growing up.
On another note, no chances taken, and no hardships. It just happened... I am in love :)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Satisfied
I find the way life turns out to be, amusing. At this moment, there are so many emotions going on through my head, both good and bad. For some reason I feel like alcohol takes out the best out of me. Maybe I will become one of those alcoholics who turn to alcohol when they are stressed or depressed from something. I really hope not though. Last night was incredible. I went over at a party at Ana's house. I saw the majority of my high school friends. It was good to see everyone's differences come together again. We started off eating, because the food, like always, was delicious. Then we started playing ping pong; had a single's tournament and won second place. I lost to Alexa, which pretty much explains itself. Then we played Apples to Apples, having that many people play was amazing. Then the drinking went down. Of course the heavy drinkers who usually get drunk were driving, so I was the only one who wanted to go all out. We played some twisted ten fingers were a lot of nasty things about people were discovered. The wild side of some people started to unleash. Sitting on the porch with everyone laughing and drinking, made me realize how much I missed each and every one of them. For some reason, I felt like I could just stay there forever. Ana's house brought so much memories back to me. It was like high school all over again. Throughout the whole day, it was interesting how "you and me" did not cross my mind. Normally every time I am reminded, some how, a feeling of heartache comes in. This time it was different. It was not until you texted me late night, that your name crossed my mind. Thinking about you made me smile. Not because I miss you or regret anything, but because it didn't hurt. We had a really unexplainable past. No one can define it, but me and you. No matter how many people judge me or you, in the end I still see you the way I see you, because they do not know anything. They do not know what we went through, or anything we still go through. At this very moment, I do not know what we define what we share right now. All I can say is, the "friend" has sunk in. My promise of being there forever does not seem difficult anymore, because I know I will. I am finally strong enough to say that I will be there through your hardest and easiest times, and everything in between that. Follow your dreams, no matter what family or friends tell you. You will make it. :)
I can not forget everyone making fun of my low GPA. It is okay, I am an Engineer. Environmental Engineer to be exact. I am surprise that I am still passing. Definitely need to step up my game. I am border line passing and failing, some-what. Freshman year is over. I can not forget about my college friends, and how they play a part in my life. Jersey City seems so quiet without them. Well actually, it is more like Hoboken. It feels different that I can not just wake up and decide to head over to school because I am bored. I better hang out with the Massive guys though; they are not as far away as the two girls. Summer is definitely going to be different this year.
I am starting my CO-OP term. I am working in Jarchem at Newark as a Sales and Marketing Research. I will also assist in the laboratory procedures. I will be working there full time from May 18 until December 18. I start tomorrow. A part of me is really nervous that I am finally going to be working in the real world. But for the most part, I am really excited that I am going to be working in something I really like. I have my own desk, my own computer, my own telephone, and my own cubicle. I am very excited waking up every morning, dressing up all professional, and for the fact that I will be one of those PATH "yuppies". A l0t of other people are not so lucky getting a job like this. I will not mess this one up. I will enjoy it as much as I can. This is going to be the first year I am going to stay in the country, even worse, New Jersey. I miss riding a plane. I am most likely going to try to have a weekend in the United Kingdom or some other place that is close. I refuse not having a summer vacation. I am still contemplating on whether I should get a weekend job. Wait nevermind, I do not want to miss my birthday weekend. :)
On another note, this morning I had a hard time falling asleep because I was hungry, but really lazy to go downstairs. I just laid in bed thinking about a lot of things, and I realize that I dislike many things. For anybody that will read this and feel offeneded, please do not take it personally. My next words will also show my hypocrite side. I dislike people who talk to me while I scratch my eyes, and then decide to laugh about it. It really has got to stop. I dislike people who are easily persuaded also known as followers; learn how to make decisions. I dislike people who tend to suck up, not to teachers, but to other people. I dislike many ghetto aspects; so Jersey City, please pull those jeans up and get rid of those Roos. I dislike people who purposely bring other people down especially through getting good grades, especially when I am the one who gets the low grade. I dislike people who are not competitive; boring boring boring. I dislike people who question what I want to do in life. I dislike people with no manners, especially in the PATH trains or the Subway. People who complain constantly about the fare hike; please just accept it, a petition will not work. I dislike people who do not know how to match their clothes (sometimes I find it to work really well). I dislike people who free load. I dislike people who do not pay back when I do not know them very well. And but the biggest thing I hate right now is people thinking they are "the shit" for any dumb reason. Wow I am an asshole.
Even though I dislike so many things, I realized there are a lot of other things I really like. I like people who can debate, and are able to understand and bring out parallel counter-attacks. I like it when people do not agree with me, because I tend to enjoy the argument. I like people who are materialistic. I like people who are business-minded, only because I find a need to look up to them. I like it when people listen to my advice, because I feel like I have helped. I like people who do not get emotional or angry during an argument. Holding a grudge is a bad thing. The best thing I like right now are people who can make me laugh. Laughing is my favorite thing to do.
This blog is getting pretty long, and I think I have let out all my thoughts as of the moment. I need to head up and buy some suits, ties, dress pants. So as I end this on a positive note, I can say I look back to the certain things I left in the past and laugh. No regrets. Thinking of my life now, I am very satisfied.
I can not forget everyone making fun of my low GPA. It is okay, I am an Engineer. Environmental Engineer to be exact. I am surprise that I am still passing. Definitely need to step up my game. I am border line passing and failing, some-what. Freshman year is over. I can not forget about my college friends, and how they play a part in my life. Jersey City seems so quiet without them. Well actually, it is more like Hoboken. It feels different that I can not just wake up and decide to head over to school because I am bored. I better hang out with the Massive guys though; they are not as far away as the two girls. Summer is definitely going to be different this year.
I am starting my CO-OP term. I am working in Jarchem at Newark as a Sales and Marketing Research. I will also assist in the laboratory procedures. I will be working there full time from May 18 until December 18. I start tomorrow. A part of me is really nervous that I am finally going to be working in the real world. But for the most part, I am really excited that I am going to be working in something I really like. I have my own desk, my own computer, my own telephone, and my own cubicle. I am very excited waking up every morning, dressing up all professional, and for the fact that I will be one of those PATH "yuppies". A l0t of other people are not so lucky getting a job like this. I will not mess this one up. I will enjoy it as much as I can. This is going to be the first year I am going to stay in the country, even worse, New Jersey. I miss riding a plane. I am most likely going to try to have a weekend in the United Kingdom or some other place that is close. I refuse not having a summer vacation. I am still contemplating on whether I should get a weekend job. Wait nevermind, I do not want to miss my birthday weekend. :)
On another note, this morning I had a hard time falling asleep because I was hungry, but really lazy to go downstairs. I just laid in bed thinking about a lot of things, and I realize that I dislike many things. For anybody that will read this and feel offeneded, please do not take it personally. My next words will also show my hypocrite side. I dislike people who talk to me while I scratch my eyes, and then decide to laugh about it. It really has got to stop. I dislike people who are easily persuaded also known as followers; learn how to make decisions. I dislike people who tend to suck up, not to teachers, but to other people. I dislike many ghetto aspects; so Jersey City, please pull those jeans up and get rid of those Roos. I dislike people who purposely bring other people down especially through getting good grades, especially when I am the one who gets the low grade. I dislike people who are not competitive; boring boring boring. I dislike people who question what I want to do in life. I dislike people with no manners, especially in the PATH trains or the Subway. People who complain constantly about the fare hike; please just accept it, a petition will not work. I dislike people who do not know how to match their clothes (sometimes I find it to work really well). I dislike people who free load. I dislike people who do not pay back when I do not know them very well. And but the biggest thing I hate right now is people thinking they are "the shit" for any dumb reason. Wow I am an asshole.
Even though I dislike so many things, I realized there are a lot of other things I really like. I like people who can debate, and are able to understand and bring out parallel counter-attacks. I like it when people do not agree with me, because I tend to enjoy the argument. I like people who are materialistic. I like people who are business-minded, only because I find a need to look up to them. I like it when people listen to my advice, because I feel like I have helped. I like people who do not get emotional or angry during an argument. Holding a grudge is a bad thing. The best thing I like right now are people who can make me laugh. Laughing is my favorite thing to do.
This blog is getting pretty long, and I think I have let out all my thoughts as of the moment. I need to head up and buy some suits, ties, dress pants. So as I end this on a positive note, I can say I look back to the certain things I left in the past and laugh. No regrets. Thinking of my life now, I am very satisfied.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Freshman Year
Challenging, Difficult, Hectic, and Stressful. These are the few words that come into my mind when I think of my Freshman year at Stevens. A lot has happened. Good and bad. The good memories were the ones that made the year exciting and memorable. But it was the bad moments that has shape me to who I am, making me a stronger person, the person I am today. I came into Stevens with a young mind. I had no study ethics, and my attitude towards school was "I can wait last minute and still get a good grade." But that mind set only worked in County Prep. I learned my lesson during the first semester. It was frightening entering college not having anyone from my high school come in with me. I had one goal in life, and that is to become successful. The path to my goal was still a blur.
August 20. It was a long day coming in from my vacation in Europe. For some reason, I was not prepared to start a new chapter of my life. It could have been because I have not accepted the fact that I would no longer be seeing the friends I am used to everyday. But that was not case. For the most part it was because I was a heartbroken guy who was in the process of accepting the dreadful act of "moving on". Nobody knew. I did not want anybody to know the past I left behind. People come and go, new faces, new smiles. One by one, I watched as I became part of the Massive Family.
It started with eight. Some were strangers, some had a history. But for all I knew, we all had a connection. I felt nothing buy happiness. My days were filled with laughter, gossip, and jokes. All I could remember were mornings, afternoons, and nights with my Massive Family. Each of us went through our good days and bad days. Some of us had arguments while others grew bigger bonds. I breezed luckily through the first semester. Did not do many homework, did not focus on lessons, and skipped classes. Nothing was important to me. I was lost in the school work. I kept this attitude throughout the whole semester, and earned myself a 2.5 GPA. I felt bad for one thing the most: I cheated for the most part to get a 2.5. I knew I did not want to continue the rest of my Stevens years like this. I needed to change.
From this family, I have grown close with one man. Someone I accepted as a brother to me. We talked about everything. Told each other everything. Laughed and vented to each other. A day came to me as a shock, when all the respect I had for him just disappeared. I really do not know if what I did was for the best, but I know what I did showed nothing but honesty. As of today stands, I do not see him as a friend or as a bad person. It is just nothing.
It is now May 5. As the end of the spring semester closes in, I am proud to say I have changed. Slowly. My study ethics are better. The eight is now six. But those six are the ones that worked hard, and deserved each others friendship. Our laughs are louder, the gossip is juicier, the smiles are wider, and the bond is stronger. The ate, the Mexican, the BF, twin 1, twin 2, and adopted. They make up my Massive Family. The path to my goal is no longer a blur, and I have finished a paragraph to my college chapter.
August 20. It was a long day coming in from my vacation in Europe. For some reason, I was not prepared to start a new chapter of my life. It could have been because I have not accepted the fact that I would no longer be seeing the friends I am used to everyday. But that was not case. For the most part it was because I was a heartbroken guy who was in the process of accepting the dreadful act of "moving on". Nobody knew. I did not want anybody to know the past I left behind. People come and go, new faces, new smiles. One by one, I watched as I became part of the Massive Family.
It started with eight. Some were strangers, some had a history. But for all I knew, we all had a connection. I felt nothing buy happiness. My days were filled with laughter, gossip, and jokes. All I could remember were mornings, afternoons, and nights with my Massive Family. Each of us went through our good days and bad days. Some of us had arguments while others grew bigger bonds. I breezed luckily through the first semester. Did not do many homework, did not focus on lessons, and skipped classes. Nothing was important to me. I was lost in the school work. I kept this attitude throughout the whole semester, and earned myself a 2.5 GPA. I felt bad for one thing the most: I cheated for the most part to get a 2.5. I knew I did not want to continue the rest of my Stevens years like this. I needed to change.
From this family, I have grown close with one man. Someone I accepted as a brother to me. We talked about everything. Told each other everything. Laughed and vented to each other. A day came to me as a shock, when all the respect I had for him just disappeared. I really do not know if what I did was for the best, but I know what I did showed nothing but honesty. As of today stands, I do not see him as a friend or as a bad person. It is just nothing.
It is now May 5. As the end of the spring semester closes in, I am proud to say I have changed. Slowly. My study ethics are better. The eight is now six. But those six are the ones that worked hard, and deserved each others friendship. Our laughs are louder, the gossip is juicier, the smiles are wider, and the bond is stronger. The ate, the Mexican, the BF, twin 1, twin 2, and adopted. They make up my Massive Family. The path to my goal is no longer a blur, and I have finished a paragraph to my college chapter.
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